ah yes the final day of 2022----

its been a year for the records, unfortunately NOT as good as i hoped it would be on Jan 1st.

I did procure a job, but it's only extremely part-time for a very low wage per hr. I been working at this job now for 10 mos. It doesn't even begin to pay basic living expenses thus forcing me to spend out $ I had saved for when I finally am forced to retire due to lack of opportunities to work.

I wonder why many times Gchi Manidoo, seems to refuse to aid me, despite praying all the time for help.

I despair in this life I have been given, trying so hard to just barely survive, it's depressing and sad to be not even really able to TRULY live.

There have been NO funds for even one of my beloved waterfall chasing trips, as I have to be so careful of spending anything out that doesn't pay for a bill already happening.... 

Glad to see the miserable 2022 leave,,, I keep HOPING things will be better, somehow, they have to be better,,,, hope is the only thing I have had for years to keep me waking up each day.

If you read this and think to yourself, I'm glad I don't live her life,,, u are indeed right, I wouldn't wish this mess on my worst enemy really.

Many times I've wondered what kind of person I was in another life to deserve to live like this now,,,, Karma is real - I've seen her in action, and she is punishing me nearly daily, and wonder when my "debt" will finally be paid off, seems forever I been paying on this debt.

Treat others as YOU wish to be treated,,,, for it does truly "come around"

 hey all

I now have my artist designs for sale on CLOTHING

please go to this site to see and order https://shopvida.com/collections/j-lo-theartist

chi miigwech!!!!

 Hi All, just wanted to post up some of the sites I sell my work I make!! have fun perusing them!

https://www.facebook.com/naturalnativegal (natural plant-based tinctures, oils, and salves)

https://www.facebook.com/jlotheartist (fine arts and crafts)

https://www.absolutearts.com/portfolios/j/jeanettem/ (fine arts)

https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/jeanette-locher (fine arts)

Please contact me thru each site when you find what you are wanting to purchase

Chi Miigwech

j~lo

 reflecting life's journey

I been watching reruns of this show called The Waltons. Its based on this family who resided in the hills of the blue ridge mountains during the Great Depression.

There were many things this family did or went thru that reminded me of the family I grew up in, We had almost the same size family, tho I think us girls outnumbered the boys, unlike The Waltons, still seven sibs, mom and dad,,, no grandparents tho.

The show touches me at times, I weep at the end. 

My family was different in such a way that we were not as close nor caring of each other as the actors in the show. 

 I, for one, was abused by the brothers. I don't know why they chose to do what they did to me, why they hated me so. I never really felt like I belonged in this family, a nagging feeling that I never got over even as an adult in my 60s. 

I wondered if I was adopted and never told, or perhaps my mother had an affair with another man and I am proof of it, specially when my mother broke down after my asking a question she really didnt want to answer,, telling me “MY” grandmother was a full blood Ojibwe woman. In reflection, thinking about things she spoke of in the past**, things she said directed at ME not my siblings, I think that perhaps she did have an affair,,,,, maybe this is why I felt like I never fit in, never belonged to this family, maybe this is why I was abused by the brothers, and now how I am ignored by most of the sibs,,, they never call, never wish to see how I am doing, seemingly very uncaring about me all together, this became more apparent after the parents passed. 

As a result of this, and being married to three different men whom all abused me also, I became a very independent person who relies on self and self alone.

I suspect also, that I will never have milestone anniversaries, I will never grow old together with anyone, I will indeed die alone with no one at my side to assue me all will be well.. That makes me sad as I deserve to have someone, who loves me, and me alone. 

I do not know if there is anything I can do about this, I would love to know who I really am someday and find a place, at last where I really truly belong and feel loved and welcome unconditionally. 

**” You sure can tell there is an Indian in the woodshed with that one. You are getting brown as an Indian. I recall going with my aunt to visit the nearby reservation when I was a child. Your grandmother was a full-blood objiwe Indian. 

*strangers asking me what tribe I belong to more than a few times.

I go to events like pow wows, language camps and the like, and feel welcome and like I fit in there. Met my friend's uncle, who spoke the language to me when meeting me, and I responded to him correctly in English,,, how did I know what he said when I had just begun going to language camp and really knew only a few words so far?? Blood memory???

Hello ALL

wow time flew by,, here it is 2022 May 11! 

Currently Im doing remote training that is supposed to help me get work,,, so far its not.

Im doing craft shows, trying to go different places so new people see and BUY my stuff,,, that would be great. Other than that, summer is hear early,,, 84 degrees today, last week it was freezing, now its too hot, hate this crazy weather.

Planning my WFC #10,, trying to find $ for gas to go, gas right now has gone UP more than TWICE as much last year,,, this sucks,,,

OK, take care, I will try to post more